Better Late to the Party than Never!

I love my best friend:

c: the band yo la tengo? they have an album called I am not afraid of you and I will beat your ass.
c: hahahahahaha
j: i AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
j: i want that song! i really like yo la tengo
c: I do too, hahaha
j: just got into them...
c: hahaha we are apparently late to the party, but whatever.
j: yeah we are. ive always been late to the party, though, man, so im used to it by now!!
j: in fact, this is as early as i have shown up EVER since ive been on hype
j: im only fashionably late instead of arriving the next day

yeah, better late than never, I guess! ;)

Channeling energy into Creative Endeavours

Song in progress: "Breathlessly Waiting":

breathless
by Jennifer Wilde, copyright 2006

VERSE 1:
we talk in tongues and lips
singing each others praises
your breath and mine intertwined
you pine away the days
you are breathlessly waiting

speak to me so i can hear you
sing to me so i can feel you
sigh to my cheek, in my ear
let me know you are here
I am breathlessly waiting

CHORUS:
breathless breathless
breathless breathless

VERSE 2:
we two are two close strings
resonating in sympathetic vibration
we two are too close, yet not touching
wavering, trembling
and breathlessly waiting

bridge:
waiting for an outward sign
some oracle with prescient mind
to tell us what we will find

waiting for the right time
waiting for the right word
growing hungry with the waiting

VERSE 3:
we are in explicably drawn
like moths dancing round the same flame
wings and limbs entwined
drawn to the light and heat again and again
we are breathlessly waiting

breathlessly waiting

Change of Scenery is what I need

I want to wake up somewhere new
Sunlight streaming in through a different window
Unfamiliar street sounds gently greeting
Stretch and look outside in the silence

I want to wake up beside someone new
See a different face smiling at me
Unfamiliar eyes and arms and skin
On sheets and under blankets

I want to breathe the air anew
Feel the wind change direction
Bringing warmth instead of ice
Invigorating, caressing, inviting

[listening to: Rilo Kiley "More Adventurous"]

Awash in Feelings

Anger, anger, everywhere... but also sadness, regret, foolishness, guilt, and above all, more anger.

I'm tired of being the sole cause. I will not be the only one to take responsibility. FUCK THAT.

I rant, I withdraw, I bury, I surface, I laugh, I cry, I rage again. This is my life. Welcome to the theater of the emotion. Please take your seat, and be aware that there is not a dry seat in the house. There will be nowhere you can sit quietly outside the storm, untouched and unaffected. I WILL make you feel, I WILL make you angry, and I WILL make you sad.

My life imitates my art so closely these days. I should write some happy fucking songs to pull myself out.

In Spite of it All

Sometimes we make choices in the face of everything that tells us not to. Like having children in times as unsettling and uncertain as these. Like sharing our heart, our feelings, in the face of our fear. That's why I've chosen this song for today:

Caruso Sings - Inglistown [cover of Everything but the Girl]
(do you recognize that girl singing backup?)

Some of my favorite lines of all times are in that song:

If I only do one thing, I'll sing songs to my father
I'll sing songs to my child...

This is why I create music, why I sing. Because in the face of everything, sometimes its all I can do.

Sometimes you just need to get laid. At least that's what I've been told. Huh. If only some simple physical encounter could solve all my problems! Well, its a nice fantasy, any way. And I'm sure it would be a nice escape. But alas, I'll just have to deal with all that's happening on my own.

Yeah.

Clarity comes and goes. Everytime I have it, I get surer. Every time I lose it, I get frustrated: "Haven't I already had that conversation?? Didn't go through all thiis before?" I think I will know more after Thursday morning. Anticipation, anxiety, hope, resignation... man. My life is like my music these days, and there are times, like now, where I feel like I'm just living for the next moment of levity.

Vague? Yes. But that's the way it has to be...