Moving day
Earlier, I came in touch with my own divinity. I saw all time and space come into one point of focus, like when you are seeing double and it suddenly resolves. All points in time and space, together. And in that way of seeing, how could i be sad for the fact that he was bitter and angry at me, might never call me his friend again? How could I be sad that I had closed the door on one of my great loves, and set myself adrift outside of partnership? How could I regret that he was moving away when all our potential was unrealized? I couldn't, because every moment is now.
I felt alive in a way I could not describe. And yet I felt as though I were greeting my long-lost self. "oh hello.. there you are." Left feeling positively fantastic. All these endings have cleared the way for my beginning.
I can still conjure that feeling now. But its not quite as triumphant as it was earlier today.
S came and moved his stuff out of my house. "I'm embarrassed at how much I had at your place. You must have thought I was crazy!" No, my dear. I thought you were troubled and grasping, unsure of your path, but not crazy.
He promises to leave me a microphone when he comes back for his motorcycle. He has given me a pair of speakers, a mic stand, a battery backup for my computer, moving blankets for sound proofing, and a wire rack that used to hold his 32-track recorder. He promises to mix down the tracks we did together. He apologizes for not being creatively present when we were working on music.
Its been a trying year for him. Hell, its been a trying year for me too. He says "I guess I was just hoping something would magically happen" gesturing towards the stuff in his car, and my house. I nod. "For what it's worth, I did too," I tell him.
At the end, we are standing at the top of my stairs, near his packed car. He holds me, and says he is sorry. He thanks me for bringing light into his life when things were so very dark. I do not say much; I am suprised to feel the tears sparkling in my eyes. I hold him, my hands stroking his back and neck. "Its ok," I say, "I understand." A surprisingly sweet goodbye. I had not expected to feel this surge of emotion.
He promises to take me to dinner when he returns in a couple weeks to check on his business. I don't actually know if I will see him again.
I do know it is all for the best. I can feel it. When I tap into that place of all time and space existing simultaneously, I can feel my sadness drop away, feel is shifting into something different... into gratitude and love.
I felt alive in a way I could not describe. And yet I felt as though I were greeting my long-lost self. "oh hello.. there you are." Left feeling positively fantastic. All these endings have cleared the way for my beginning.
I can still conjure that feeling now. But its not quite as triumphant as it was earlier today.
S came and moved his stuff out of my house. "I'm embarrassed at how much I had at your place. You must have thought I was crazy!" No, my dear. I thought you were troubled and grasping, unsure of your path, but not crazy.
He promises to leave me a microphone when he comes back for his motorcycle. He has given me a pair of speakers, a mic stand, a battery backup for my computer, moving blankets for sound proofing, and a wire rack that used to hold his 32-track recorder. He promises to mix down the tracks we did together. He apologizes for not being creatively present when we were working on music.
Its been a trying year for him. Hell, its been a trying year for me too. He says "I guess I was just hoping something would magically happen" gesturing towards the stuff in his car, and my house. I nod. "For what it's worth, I did too," I tell him.
At the end, we are standing at the top of my stairs, near his packed car. He holds me, and says he is sorry. He thanks me for bringing light into his life when things were so very dark. I do not say much; I am suprised to feel the tears sparkling in my eyes. I hold him, my hands stroking his back and neck. "Its ok," I say, "I understand." A surprisingly sweet goodbye. I had not expected to feel this surge of emotion.
He promises to take me to dinner when he returns in a couple weeks to check on his business. I don't actually know if I will see him again.
I do know it is all for the best. I can feel it. When I tap into that place of all time and space existing simultaneously, I can feel my sadness drop away, feel is shifting into something different... into gratitude and love.
posted by jennifer at
10:19 PM
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