Ringing in the New

I am on my own tonight, of my own design. Wrapping up a couple loose ends, but mostly just being in my house. Stepping into and filling this present moment. I am here, alone, in a place I love. Surrounded by art and music, and the trappings of modest success. The christmas tree is gone, the living room back to normal, relatively clean. It is warm in my house, and my little bird sits fat and plump on his perch.

The house is quiet now, I've just been recording. That in itself is a huge thing for me, although right now I feel drained by my efforts. I still have faith, though. The energy and inspiration will come, I know it.

I am going to take a bath, wash myself clean of all I have suffered in 2007, the hardest and longest year of my life. Then I'll light some candles, say a prayer for the coming year. May I be happy, may I be at peace. May I be healthy, may I be at ease. May I see all the love I have in my life, and open to even more love. May I delight in my family, and find joy with my friends. May I stay grounded in the present, and look forward to the future.

Tomorrow morning, I will rise before dawn, and drive to the ocean. I will greet the new day and the new year in my favorite place. I might bring my fire poi, or just my practice poi, but if its not too cold, I will dance on the sand.

I have been waiting for this day for a long time. The turning of the year. 2008.

Look me in the eye and tell me you don't find me attractive

Heard this song on someone's myspace page tonight. I need to get this, I think.

"Where Does the Good Go?"

-Tegan and Sara

Where do you go with your broken heart in tow
What do you do with the left over you
and how do you know when to let go
where does the good go
where does the good go

look me in the eye and tell me you dont find me attractive
look me in the heart and tell me you wont go
look me in the eye and promise no love is like our love
look me in the heart and unbreak broken it wont happen

its love that leaves and breaks
the seal of always thinking you would be
real happy and healthy strong and calm
where does the good go
where does the good go

where do you go when your in love and the world knows
how do you live so happily while i am sad and broken down
what do you say it's up for grabs now that your on your way down
where does the good go
where does the good go

look me in the eye and tell me you dont find me attractive
look me in the heart and tell me you wont go
look me in the eye and promise no love is like our love
look me in the heart and unbreak broken it wont happen

it's love that leaves and breaks
the seal of always thinking you would be
real happy and healthy strong and calm
where does the good go
where does the good go

(guitar solo)

Look me in the eye and tell me you dont find me attractive
look me in the heart and tell me that you wont go
look me in the eye and promise no love is like our love
look me in the heart and unbreak broken it wont happen

its love that leaves and breaks
the seal of always thinking you would be
real happy and healthy strong and calm
where does the good go
where does the good go

it's love that leaves and breaks
the seal of always thinking you would be
real happy and healthy strong and calm
where does the good go
where does the good go

where does the good go
where does the good go
where does the good go
where does the good go

(look me in the eye)
where does the good go
(and tell me you dont find me attractive)
where does the good go
(look me in the heart)
where does the good go
(and tell me you wont go)
where does the good go
(look me in the eye)
where does the good go
(and promise no love is like our love)
where does the good go
(look me in the heart)
where does the good go
(and unbreak broken)
where does the good go
(it wont happen)

where does the good go?

Trying and Failing to Motivate

I've been sick for about two weeks. By now, I'm just marginally sick, phlegmy. Singing has been out of the question. Hopefully after a quiet night tonight, I'll wake up fresh and able to lay down a vocal track.

I hate not being able to come out and say what is bugging me. That sucks. But this blog is public...

I guess I'm just feeling blah right now. Trying to motivate to move on with my life. Mostly I feel like I AM moving forward, but there are times when I feel stuck. I was going to watch Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, but I'm afraid its just going to make me feel blue. Sigh.

Met this guy last night at my best friend's wedding. Totally my type, physically. Smart guy, musician, recording engineer/composer. There was some connection there, but he is definitely not in the same space as I am, life-wise. He seems a bit of a Peter Pan. Sigh. What is it with the men I have been meeting?

And why am I so impatient all of a sudden?

Ugh.

I'm sick, its cold in my house (50 degrees, heating is out), and I'm sad. I want to go somewhere warm, change my scenery, but I have to wait for the heating guy. Listening to Sun Kil Moon, seems appropos, mood-wise.

Black is the color of my true love's hair

On shuffle again, and came across this song, which I didn't know I had. I don't have anything else by the artist, so it must be a hypemachine find. I haven't had time for that in forEVer!

Black is the Color
by Espers
(mp3)

Black is the color of my true love's hair
His face is like some wondrous fair
With the prettiest face and the neatest hands
I love the ground whereon he stands

I love my love
And well he knows
I love the ground whereon he goes
If you know ???
.....

I go to the Clyde for to mourn and weep
But satisfied I never can sleep
I'll write him a letter, just a few short lines
I'll suffer death one thousand times

Black is the color of my true love's hair
His face is like some wondrous fair
With the prettiest face and the neatest hands
I love the ground whereon he stands

good morning mix

Heal Over - KT Tunstall
Life's What You Make it - Talk Talk
Never Meant To - Radio Iodine
Gentle Moon - Sun Kil Moon
Somersault - Zero 7
Bells for Her - Tori Amos (live version on To Venus and Back)
Fumbling towards Ecstacy - Sarah MacLachlan
Illusory Me - Love Spirals Downwards
If I Fall - Aqualung
Sledgehammer - Peter Gabriel

i miss you.. like people screaming at a wet tshirt contest

I do. Its all so surreal.

mix CDs and neurochemistry

Ahhh yes. You know, I never made a mix tape, back in the day. I've always been a late bloomer, I guess. But here it is the '00s and I'm making mix CDs. I like to think I'm fairly good at it too, to someone who knows how to listen. I do know the power of music and I'm not afraid to use it!

Anyway, making a mix CD is indeed an art. I usually start with a goal: a feeling I want to evoke, a statement I want to express, or just a theme I want to share. Most of the times I will have at least one or two songs in mind when I begin. Then I go through my iTunes collection and start dumping everything into a bucket playlist. Once I have enough ideas, I go through the playlist, think more carefully about lyrics of each, weed out ones that don't fit. When I have roughly 15-20 songs, I start listening. My first pass is to listen to transitions (end of one song, beginning of another song) to get a first draft of the order. I also use the lyrics to shape the "story" I'm trying to tell.

A good mix CD might take just hours (if I have hours to devote) or it might take days. I generally try to listen to the whole thing in the car, that's the best. The logical brain has something to do (drive) and you are free to focus on the feelings, the journey.

Oh yeah, and when I really go all out (and when I don't get impatient) I design tray inserts :) Which is what I'm doing now. I did a little photo shoot for this particular CD, out near the Sutro baths. The sunset was incredible, the light was magical. I am SO GLAD I live here! 45 minutes and I'm at the ocean. If only I were closer (but I musn't be greedy ;)

Speaking of the power of the mix tape and music in general...

I just bought this book at the Lawrence Hall of Science gift store called "This Is Your Brain on Music: The Science of a Human Obsession". I took Skyler there (with my sister and nephew) on Saturday to see their "Wild Music" (initially I typed Wilde - ha!) exhibit. I enjoyed the exhibit overall. My favorite part was a jam room with intruments to play. Too bad the boys didn't want to stay there! I think the they were feeding off each other's kinetic energy. We bounced around from sstation to station like pinballs.

Anyway, the book. I'm such a geek, I see something like this and I immediately snatch it up. I'm so excited to find out what it is in our brains that is so susceptible to manipulation through music. Fascinating!

Its All the Same

Song seems poignant and relevant... again.. damnit.


All the Same
Sick Puppies

I don't mind where you come from
As long as you come to me
I don't like illusions I can't see
Them clearly

I don't care no I wouldn't dare
To fix the twist in you
You've shown me eventually
What you'll do

I don't mind...
I don't care...
As long as you're here

Go ahead tell me you'll leave again
You'll just come back running
Holding your scarred heart in hand
It's all the same
And I'll take you for who you are
If you take me for everything
Do it all over again
It's all the same

Hours slide and days go by
Till you decide to come
And in between it always seems too long
All of a sudden

And I have the skill, yeah I have the will
To breathe you in while I can
However long you stay
Is all that I am

I don't mind...
I don't care...
As long as you're here

Go ahead tell me you'll leave again
You'll just come back running
Holding your scarred heart in hand
It's all the same
And I'll take you for who you are
If you take me for everything
Do it all over again
It's always the same

Wrong or right
Black or white
If I close my eyes
It's all the same

In my life
The compromise
I close my eyes
It's all the same

Go ahead say it you're leaving
You'll just come back running
Holding your scarred heart in hand
It's all the same
And I'll take you for who you are
If you take me for everything
Do it all over again
It's all the same

Ardor reissued!

I did a couple tracks with a band called Love Spirals Downwards, back in the early 90s. That album has now been reissued.

And here is a short review.

I'm very excited about the reissue. I signed up with BMI, so I feel all official :)

Pink Hair Blue Eyes, Stormy Skies

Expectations lead to suffering. This I know to be true. Ask me how much knowing this helps.

I am aware of the beauty of this moment
How perfectly the gray clouds tuck me in
Like cool soft blankets as I sink into this mood,
Settle into the gentle melancholy
That promises, in a whisper, to lift in a while
Its only temporary, this liquid state of mind.

I also thought of an idea for a song on BART "Just a Girl".
Need to sit and write.

Destiny

On a clear day
I’ll fly home to you
I’m bending time getting back to you
Old moon fades into the new
Soon I know I’ll be back with you
I’m nearly with you
I’m nearly with you

When I’m weak I draw strength from you
And when you’re lost I know how to change your mood
And when I’m down you breathe life over me
Even though we’re miles apart we are each other’s destiny

I don't even know who I'm singing for anymore...