music: tear in your hand

This song still moves me when I hear it. So many break ups have taken me to this place. Once again, the whole world is dangling...

Tear in Your Hand
by Tori Amos

All the world just stopped now
So you say you don't wanna stay together any more
Let me take a deep breath babe
If you need me, me and neil'll be hangin' out with the dream king

Neil says hi by the way
I don't believe you're leaving cause
Me and charles manson like the same ice cream
I think its that girl
And I think there're pieces of me you've never seen
Maybe shes just pieces of me you've never seen well

All the world is
All I am
The black of the the blackest ocean
And that tear in your hand
All the world is danglin' danglin' danglin' for me darlin'
You don't know the power that you have with that
Tear in your hand
That tear in your hand

Maybe I ain't used to
Maybes smashing in a cold room
Cutting my hands up
Every time I touch you

Maybe its time to wave goodbye now
Time to wave goodbye now

Caught a ride with the moon
I know I know you well
Well better than I used to
Haze all clouded up my mind
In the daze of the why it could've never been
So you say and I say you know you're full of wish
And your baby baby baby babies
I tell you there's pieces of me you've never seen
Maybe shes just pieces of me you've never seen well

All the world is
All I am
The black of the blackest ocean
And that tear in your hand
All the world is danglin' danglin' danglin' for me darlin'
You don't know the power that you have with that
Tear in your hand
That tear in your hand

RIP: Lana Scatena

My dear friend Gina's mother Lana passed away last night, from lung cancer. Her family was around her when she drew her last breath.

Today Russ (Gina's husband) asked me if I would sing at her funeral. I am very honored to do so. He asked me to sing Wishing You were Somehow Here Again (from the Phantom of the Opera) and as soon as I heard it, I understood.

Of course, when Sarah Brightman sings it, she sings in high soprano. But I found a site that has digital sheet music you can transpose online and buy. I've already gone through the song a few times and its singable. I'm nervous, but its the least I can do for my very dear friends and their family.

Wishing You were Somehow Here Again
by Andrew Lloyd Weber

You were once
my one companion . . .
you were all
that mattered . . .
You were once
a friend and father -
then my world
was shattered . . .

Wishing you were
somehow here again . . .
wishing you were
somehow near . . .
Sometimes it seemed
if I just dreamed,
somehow you would
be here . . .

Wishing I could
hear your voice again . . .
knowing that I
never would . . .
Dreaming of you
won't help me to do
all that you dreamed
I could . . .

Passing bells
and sculpted angels,
cold and monumental,
seem, for you,
the wrong companions -
you were warm and gentle . . .

Too many years
fighting back tears . . .
Why can't the past
just die . . .?

Wishing you were
somehow here again . . .
knowing we must
say goodbye . . .
Try to forgive . . .
teach me to live . . .
give me the strength
to try . . .

No more memories,
no more silent tears . . .
No more gazing across
the wasted years . . .
Help me say
goodbye.

my amazing friend Isa

I just wanted to post this video that my friend and teacher Isa made. I learned to spin poi and dance with fire from her. I also learned to trust in my body, to dance and feel good about myself while I was doing it, to feel the flow and move with it.



If you cannot see the video in the RSS feed, view it here. What strikes me about this video is how relaxed and in her body she is. I'm quite sure she did not choreograph that in advance, and yet all the moves fit together so perfectly.

Blessings to you, Isa! My amazing and beautiful friend!

movie: one for the mummy! no? oh mama mia

After the day I had yesterday, I decided to take myself to see the Mummy. Action-adventure fluff seemed like just the ticket. Only... when I got there, the schedule was wrong: Mama Mia started at 7pm. Not wanting to wait until 945 for the Mummy, I bought my ticket. I had been mildly interested in the film, as my sister and I would sing along with ABBA videos when we were kids (we had them on LASERDISC! ha!) Here is the movie trailer:



SPOILER ALERT:

As I remarked to the concession attendant, part way through the film "there is a lot of singing in this movie". This reaffirmed the fact, for me, that musicals are very tricky things to get right. One of my favorite movies of all time, the Moulin Rouge, is one of the few musicals I actually like.

The girl behind the counter came back with "yeah there is a lot of Pierce Brosnan singing". I was confused, because I hadn't seen him sing yet. And then... whoo boy. I really like Pierce, and love that he has taken a risk, but it was too much for me to see him sing. The audience laughed, which, because this is a comedy, isn't a complete insult. But still, he is the leading man.

Okay and here I have to admit that the romantic in me got caught up in how he asked her to marry him (and she said yes!!) - that was sweet. But the best part is at the end, during the first part of the credits: the three women perform a song, in full disco drag, and then the three MEN come out in the most over the top costumes EVER and sing as well. Had me rolling in the aisles.

I made the mistake of sitting next to a very enthusiastic fan, who had already seen the movie once. Lots of clapping and laughing at all parts of the film. But she was on the side that I can't hear much, so it wasn't too bad.

Then I came home and had a breakdown around my studio. Still feeling bummed out about that.

a difficult morning

Excruciating conversation this morning with Sky's dad. Obviously there is still a lot of unresolved anger on both sides. I spent the last four hours crying, raging. Talked with friends who have been through it, and got some good perspective, but just SAD and ANGRY.

Managed to compose a neutral email to D to clarify, acknowledge the anger on both sides, and suggest possibly returning to therapy. He replied within the hour (amazing!) with his own email saying basically the same thing.

This is all so hard.

a beautiful day in Santa Cruz

My bf and I took our kids to the Boardwalk on Sunday. It was a gorgeous day! My favorite part was spending time at the beach. The water was nice and cool on a hot day. It felt deliciously slippery around my legs.

Sky got completely soaked! At one point, he went under a wave. I raced in to haul him up, soaking my iPhone in the process. He sputtered and announced "mom, that was SO COOL!!!" So much for me saving his life! ;)

Today I went in to the Apple store and bought a new iPhone. DOH!!!

movies: tropic thunder

Saw Tropic Thunder today while my dear son played with his cousin. I have to say, I'm not a big Ben Stiller comedy fan. In fact, the first 15 minutes or so I was wondering if I should walk out. But I stuck through, and actually enjoyed the film (although there will still plenty of wincing moments).

The best part (for me) was Tom Cruise playing a balding, fat, hairy, meglomaniac Hollywood bigwig. Man, I could NOT stop laughing, he was awesome!! He is the whole reason I am glad I saw Tropic Thunder.

Weird site note: the guy who plays the sycophantic assistant to Tom Cruise's character looks SCARILY like my ex-boyfriend, who's life imploded before he left the Bay Area. Check it out:





Maybe its just an Irish thing. I don't know. Anyway, I couldn't stop staring at him everytime he was on screen. It was odd. Still trying to shake it.

video: mother/son camping - nighttime fun

Again, I [heart] iMovie. It makes this video thing sooooo easy:



hope that worked... YouTube told me it was still processing the video, but damnit, I'm impatient!

;)

video: mother/son camping

I [heart] my mac and iMovie. Today I jumped into video editing and made a little movie of our camping trip this past week:



ok, now i need to figure out how to make the video look better.. if that is possible...

i have sound!

I posted earlier about my woes in setting up my receiver. Thanks to a mark, I now have it all set up correctly! What was the problem, you ask? Why, I was sticking the wires in the wrong hole.

movie: the red violin

Since I started playing the cello this year, this movie caught my eye. I picked it up at my local library. It tells the complex story of a very special violin, one that spans 400 years, from Europe to Asia, to America. From its passionate beginnings to suspenseful end, I found myself wondering what the final fate of this instrument might be.

And to think I almost returned it before I watched it!


The Red Violin

charlotte sometimes: a reunion

Its my 20th year high school reunion; I graduated a year early at age 17. The fact that I am going, and looking forward to going (with my dear dear friend Russ, yay!!) is a minor miracle.

There was much darkness in my early school years. Lots of therapy in the past few years has shed light on what happened, and healed that place in me. I even wrote a song about the process, called Unraveling (check out Unraveling on my music site).

This reminisce started tonight, when "Charlotte Sometimes" came up on iTunes. I loved that song in high school. All the Cure songs resonated with that deeply wounded part of myself.

It also made me remember my 10 year reunion, how scared I was to go. I listened to Tori Amos songs on the way up, raw and jagged in my emotionally fragile state. I started drinking early and too much. Poor D had to take care of me. The funny thing is that I was so busy trying not to fall into a timewarp to my younger self, that I couldn't see people for who they were in the present time.

I listen to the song now and it tells the story of a sad girl who wanted for so long to wake up in a different

Charlotte Sometimes
the Cure
(listen to mp3)

all the faces
all the voices blur
change to one face
change to one voice
prepare yourself for bed
the light seems bright
and glares on white walls
all the sounds of
charlotte sometimes
into the night with
charlotte sometimes

night after night she lay alone in bed
her eyes so open to the dark
the streets all looked so strange
they seemed so far away
but charlotte did not cry

the people seemed so close
playing expressionless games
the people seemed
so close
so many
other names...

sometimes i'm dreaming
where all the other people dance
sometimes i'm dreaming
charlotte sometimes
sometimes i'm dreaming
expressionless the trance
sometimes i'm dreaming
so many different names
sometimes i'm dreaming
the sounds all stay the same
sometimes i'm dreaming
she hopes to open shadowed eyes
on a different world
come to me
scared princess
charlotte sometimes

on that bleak track
(see the sun is gone again)
the tears were pouring down her face
she was crying and crying for a girl
who died so many years before...

sometimes i dream
where all the other people dance
sometimes i dream
charlotte sometimes
sometimes i dream
the sounds all stay the same
sometimes i'm dreaming
there are so many different names
sometimes i dream
sometimes i dream...

charlotte sometimes crying for herself
charlotte sometimes dreams a wall around herself
but it's always with love
with so much love it looks like
everything else
of charlotte sometimes
so far away
glass sealed and pretty
charlotte sometimes

Feeling good

This morning I got an email from my sister in law saying she and my brother had decided to move back to the States. I can't tell you how happy that makes me, which is kinda strange, since we hardly ever spent time together while they were here. Before they left, they came to Oakland, and I took them to the Parkway Speakeasy Theater (food, beer/wine, couches and movies??? what's not to love?!?!) and had a great time hanging out with them.

I emailed her to tell her I was glad, and I knew it must have been a hard decision. She emailed back to say that they realized they want to put more time and effort into the relationships they miss here, and that I was at the top of the list.

Can't tell you how good that made me feel!

dr horrible: funny stuff

Sometimes, time spent online seems so ... pointless and time consuming.

And then you find Dr Horrible:



Laughed my a$$ off. Hey, Neil Patrick Harris has a good voice! :)

sometimes i feel like such a girl...

...and not in a good way.

A few months back (ok, like 6 months ago), I stopped being able to play music on my computer. I had it hooked up to a receiver, which was connected to a pair of speakers I got from an ex boyfriend who left the Bay Area (long story. sigh). I believed the problem was with the receiver, since it was old and janky (kinda warped on the top, tended to overheat). So I FINALLY got a new receiver (which I kept mistakenly calling an "amp" which made all the guys at Best Buy confused), and now I cannot hook up my damn speakers to save my LIFE.

Here is what it looks like from the back (someone else's photo, god knows I would never take this thing apart):
http://i160.photobucket.com/albums/t161/SethKL/Picture016.jpg

(posted here: http://forums.audioholics.com/forums/archive/index.php/t-38918.html)

I put the speaker wire in the appropriate holes. I tightened the screws all the way, and the wires just fell out.

Am I using wire that is too thin? I don't even know where to begin searching. I tried googling "insignia NS-R2000 stereo receiver speaker wire problem connecting" and my problem isn't even in the results. Which makes me feel SO LAME, like no one ever had trouble doing this and what the HELL is my problem???

I'm getting a glass of wine. Perhaps I'll calm down enough to rethink this.

But meanwhile, this falls under the category of "I cannot figure this shit out", joining things like "installing a shelf", "setting up my recording studio". I hate to think I need some man to come in and help me, but ARRRRGGGHHH!!! If that is the way it has to be!!!

custom love songs

I... really don't know what to say about this. The song I am listening to is simply awful. I know the beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but... no.

http://www.tailoredmusic.com

dear god.