songs for D

The new Genius function on iTunes: I've only used it once, but I was impressed with the selection. We'll see how it functions over time.

Heard these two songs and thought of D:

Neverending Math Equation
by Sun Kil Moon
mp3
Favorite lines:
I am the same as I was six years old
Oh my god I feel so old

Heal Over
by KT Tunstall
mp3

video: I'm going to make it through this year, if it kills me

This kinda puts it all in perspective for me.


Mountain Goats: This Year
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fYCzDhaRV60)

Many thanks to Tracey for sharing that with me.

This is the song that D played for me. The video really is poignant.


Mountain Goats: No Children
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HYcmbtGgi6Q)

"I hope you die. I hope we both die."

movie: conversations with other women

Feeling a bit melancholy, I searched my Netfliz watch instantly queue for something appropriate. This movie was scarily more appropriate than I could have planned. Its about two people who are reunited at a wedding. The whole night is a conversation on what was, what is, and what could be. My heart ached for him, for his longing and his romanticism. But the cynical part of me sided with her pragmatism. She says "there are no happy endings in our story" and part of me agrees.

I won't give away the ending...
Conversations With Other Women on IMDB



I had a dream about D last night. That we were getting reacquainted, as friends. I started questioning whether we should get back together, and then he died. He died and left a huge hole in my heart. I wept in my dream, and when I awoke, I was surprised my cheeks were dry.

tired. and a little down.

surprises me that even after almost two years of separation, I still get sad about this. the whole divorce thing. i guess that's a good sign, right? if he were being an asshole, it would make it easier in one respect... but not really.

i should be working, but i think i might just call it an early night.

you can tell its been a while if...

I just got the DVD for the my son's school variety show (I may need to post our act later on YouTube). One of the hosts of the show is Mr K, one of the teachers. In the middle of watching the DVD with my son, I asked him "hey, is Mr K married?" (thinking, hmmm he's cute!) My son looked at me with confusion (and I'm sure if he had been a teenager it would have been mixed with disgust) and said, "I don't know!!"

ha!

what's in a (last) name?

Had a brief but lovely visit from my friend Katalin. She had never heard the story of how I came by the name Wilde. I'll recount it here for the record.

D. and I had wanted to have the same last name when we got married. I didn't want his, and didn't want him to take mine, necessarily. My first idea was to make a new last name out of our last names: Ward and Fuller. The best I came up with was Fulward (too stuffy!) and Wafful (too too silly). We rented a movie about Oscar Wilde, and when I woke up in the morning, I turned to him and said "Wilde!" he replied "Wilde... hmmm" and that was that.

She told me she knew a couple that changed their last names to Pajama. I just about fell out laughing, it was so cute. Then she asked if I would changing my name after the divorce, and I said no. Two reasons:

1. My son's last name is Wilde
2. When I changed my name to Wilde, there was none of this "oh yeah, my last name isn't Fuller anymore" it fit me so well, it seemed natural. It still suits me, so I'm keeping it. Besides, it was MY idea anyway ;)

I said that if I (somehow!) got married again, I would probably hyphenate my last name, but would have to use XXX-Wilde instead of Wilde-XXX, because Wilde-anything would sound funny. She said "yeah, like Pajama". And I said "well, hell, I would make an exception for Wilde-Pajama"

ha! :)

Random notes from the front lines of dating

I have a profile on nerve personals. I haven't paid it too much attention, because I'm trying to focus on getting through the divorce process. I never know when the universe will nudge someone my way, so I keep it up there for when I'm ready again.

A little while ago, I received a message from a man, which begins:

"You are very different from me, but I utterly love you. Not in that puppy-dog crush sense, but because you are totally cute and very hip....There also seems to be a liminal tinge of sorrow in your life. So brilliant, and yet, even the most intelligent of us can stumble...I sense a far deeper, more complex story is there than can fit into an online profile."

Okay WHOAH. My first reaction is "too much too soon!!", my second was one of "that's spooky". He definitely has a very eloquent way about him, and had some eerie insights. I went to his profile page, and its just not what I am looking for. Sir, do you perhaps have a slightly younger, musical brother? Ahhh I need to write him back to thank him.

"a liminal tinge of sorrow"... I might have to use that in a song ;)

oh and I aaaaalllmost was swayed by this line in his profile:

A naked woman is sexy. A woman's orgasm is sexier.

Ummm yeah. Its been waaaaaaay too long for me in the intimacy department.