No on Prop 8: Don't take people's dreams away

I heard that Vienna Teng wrote the song "City Hall" after San Francisco legalized gay marriage. It reminds me of the battle waging now, and how close it is. And how dare some people take away the dreams and rights of people they deem "unworthy".

Please support No on Prop 8. I donated this week, its not too late!

Vienna Teng
City Hall
(download mp3)

Me and my baby on a February holiday
'Cause we got the news
Yeah we got the news
500 miles and we're gonna make it all the way
We got nothing to lose
We got nothing to lose

Been ten years waiting
but it's better late then never
we've been told before
We can't wait one minute more


Oh me and my baby driving down
to a hilly seaside town in the rainfall
Oh me and my baby stand in line
you never seen a sight so fine
as the love that's gonna shine at city hall

Me and my baby been through a lot of good and bad
Learned to kiss the sky
Made our mamas cry
Seen a lot of friends after giving it all they had
lay down and die
lay down and die
Ten years into it
here's our window at the Vegas drive-thru chapel
Ain't to much for 'em all to handle



Outside they're handing out donuts and pizza pies
for the folks in pairs
in their folding chairs
My baby's looking so damn pretty with those anxious eyes
rain-speckled hair
and my ring to wear
Ten years waiting for this moment of fate
when we say the words and sign our names
If they take it away again someday
this beautiful thing won't change

this is where

nice talk tonight about boundaries, expectations, fears, past experiences. where he is at, where i am at, where are we in all this.

how familiar these conversations seem. yes, i am aware of the cyclical nature of my life. recurring themes, as it were. cropping up again.

just before going to bed, i head downstairs to check on my son's music. He is asleep while the Wailin Jennys play "This is Where" (download mp3):

The wind howls 'cross the ice floes
Send the frozen snow skimming
A river on a river hardened over
It doesn't know the way it's going
Is it north or south or westward
It just glides across the shoreline 'til it's over

You came for me in fast forward
On a claim for something ordered
A way through and past the history that held you
I'd tell my own story through you
Tell it loud to never lose you
A moth caught be the flame it could cannot measure
And there we go again, wishing something bolder
Trying to push and pull inside this moment
Trying to mold this life within our hands

This is where the whole world keeps on turning
This is where we come undone...undone

Will they measure me by branches
Count the rings and take my ashes
Mark the ground where I fell and carry on
Or will we bite against the silence
Fill our days with noise and violence
Not recognize our hearts when we are done

There we'll go again wishing something bolder
Trying to push and pull inside this moment
Trying to mold this life within our hands

This is where the whole world keeps on turning
This is where we come undone

We don't know where it's going
Is it north or south or westward
Just glide across the shoreline til its over... til its over... over

being in the moment

Two extra nice nights in a row. Two morning-after day-long grins.

Last night, at one point we were on his couch, taking a breather. I looked at him and said "this is a good moment". He agreed. We both smiled. He has a great smile.

He has a very cute little cottage. I was very impressed to see that he had already moved in, and even had art on the wall (and more than just condiments in the fridge!) I felt comfortable there.

We stayed up too late. Feeling tired today, but in a good way. Like I would really love to curl up for a nap. Somewhere warm.

This is a good moment too.

best first date ever.

Last night I had a first date with someone I met on an okcupid.com. I like this site because it has 100s of questions (you answer, then say how you would like your ideal mate to answer) and then 100s of fun quizzes, all of which are used to calculate a percentage matched. Okcupid said we were an 80% match. We traded messages on the site, then emails, then text messages, and decided to meet face to face.

I was so nervous (I havent really been part of the dating game, um, ever) but as soon as our eyes met, most of my nervousness disappeared. We went to a take out restaurant in North Berkeley, had some dessert. But we had to eat outside, and it was cold, so we went to another restaurant for a drink and ended up talking for two and a half hours (and looking up various things on our iPhones, so funny).

I won't say much about him here except that he definitely fits my "profile" (I'm sure my friends would agree!) We made each other laugh, he has excellent taste in books, and is very upbeat.

In the middle of the date, my boss sent me a Tweet: "gentleman?" (to which I had to reply yes). Afterwards, he walked me to my car, we hugged, and then there was that liminal moment where I was thinking "are we going to kiss?" as we were leaning toward each other. Um, yes! :)

I dropped him off at his place. We were both flustered. I couldn't stop smiling. It was very hard to drive away. Text messages flying back and forth on the way home (should have called, I'm so bad with the texting while driving). I had a difficult time going to sleep last night.

Woke up this morning and I'm still smiling. Now THAT was a good date.

My dear boy's birthday

Meant to post this 10/10 (on the actual day):

skyler came into bed with me around 6:30am, which is strange because that's the time labor started on his birthday. Six years ago I was grumpily telling Darcy to turn off the alarm at 7:45am, which is when Sky and I woke up. I sang him happy birthday in bed.

He started saying something about butts and laughing. I shook him and mock-demanded: "Why do you like butts so much?!" which made him laugh more. He said "Its a secret!"

"You don't keep secrets from your mother, tell me!"
"I like butts because they make farts"
"Well that's not a secret"
...

"I have another secret about me and Tibee"
"What is it? TELL ME!!"
"We like to smack each other on the butt"

"So youre saying all your secrets are about butts?"
"Yeah"

we got up and had french toast, the jumped back in bed to snuggle, got up to get ready, drove to pick up my taxes in lafayette, dropped by D's gym so that sky could say happy birthday, gave him a card and present for HIS birthday,

We then took BART and muni train to GG park, had lunch, went to the CA Academy of Sciences,
didnt realize it closed at 5pm. we got there at 3pm... but we did manage to see the planetarium show, which was way cool!

afterwards we went to a japanese restaurant that has the little room where you sit on the floor without shoes, had yummy food. they gave us green tea ice cream with a candle and sang happy birthday

Tired, we trekked across SF, came back home, had bathtime and watched a movie.

All in all a pretty magical day!

just when you thought you were safe

I belong to an email list, a pretty active community of moms. This is a place I have felt safe for the last five years to be able to post pretty much anything going on for me. Today, that safety was violated.

Today my son's principal called to say that he was sent to the office for inappropriately touching another student. She then informed me that it was the third time, and that next time he would be sent home.

First off, I'm pissed that I wasn't told the first two times. That is not ok with me. There will be talks with the principal for sure... when I'm not so angry.

My first instinct was to post to my list to see what I should do. I've gotten some solid advice from these women. I forgot that my sister in law (not the one I am close to) is on the list. She was molested as a young girl and decided to write this post (onlist!) about how she felt like my son was an "abusive, bullying relative", which is completely untrue.

I feel embarrassed, ashamed and angry. If she had sent that to me personally, I could have responded privately. Now I feel like my son has been labeled a bad person to about 100 people and I have been labeled as someone who permits bad behavior. Which is (AGAIN) untrue!

I sent a short reply to the list about it being inappropriate venue for her post. I cannot possibly respond in any rational way. I sent something to the list about how I was feeling, kept it to two sentences. I will respond to her privately in detail when I can do so without being SO DAMN ANGRY.

muppets and ice cream

I took my boy to SF tonight to see the Muppet Movie in Dolores Park. It was great to see the Muppet Movie again, with everyone laughing and cheering. At the end, they turned down the sound so we could all sing along with the Rainbow Connection. Yay!

Afterwards we went to birite creamery. Mmmmmmm late-night ice cream. The girl behind the counter served Skyler before the three people in front of us. Super sweet!

I had salted caramel and roasted banana, while Sky had coconut and mint chip (umm... are you sure you want that?!) Its some of the most delicious ice cream I've had. I totally recommend a trip there!

That sugar boost gave us the energy we needed to walk up the umpteen hills to where I had to park the car. My guy was a trooper!

He stayed awake on the way home, because we have his Leapster game on loan from his dad (man, I can’t wait to give that back!!) but as soon as we got home he was like “mom, I need to go to bed RIGHT NOW”.

Yeah, I'm about ready to go to bed myself.

halloween costume?

I am going to see Morris Day and the Time on Halloween! Yippee! But I have to decide if I want to dress up or not. I have a vinyl nurses uniform that I haven't actually ever worn. With matching vinyl white shoes, no less. I dug it out and tried it on, and was pleasantly surprised: it didn't look half bad! However... I have to face the fact that white is just not a flattering color on me. In fact, I look downright pasty. AND the dress is SO SHORT I couldn't even make a slight bow at the waist without showing my ass. Sigh... so back to the drawing board.

No, I am not posting pictures. Ha!

I think I'm probably going to end up either:

1. recycling my ghost of a passenger on the Titanic (I didn't have a good venue for that one last year)

OR

2. trying to pull together some superhero costume before Skyler's birthday on Saturday (the superhero olympics! kids dressed up!)

what to do, what to do...

movie: Youth without Youth

I rented this movie last week, and I've been mulling it over since then. While rather sensational and exciting at times, this movie overall was like a slow burn. Stretches of time where things are moving slowly, giving you time to mull over what was happening. The movie is beautifully shot, and Tim Roth gives a great performance (at one point he is talking to himself, and its as if he is two different characters).

There are no easy answers in this movie. I was left wondering about reality and the timeline of the events. Recommended!

movie trailer:

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mn0XGlwTKCI)

central reservation

Saw the movie "Duchess" tonight with my wonderful sister-in-law. Afterwards we had a couple glasses of wine, it was nice to be out, sociable.

On my way home I was listening to "Central Reservation" by Beth Orton, and it got me thinking. Its been a really rough couple of years. I've had two relationships since I separated from D and I'm finally at a place where I am making my own life, instead of waiting for someone else with whom to make a life. Bittersweet, really.

And as I stood on my deck tonight, looking over the lights of the houses in Montclair and the bay, I wonder... do you still think of me, in the small hours when you are alone?

Central Reservation
by Beth Orton
mp3

Running down the central reservation
In last night's red dress
And I can still smell you on my fingers
And taste you on my breath

Stepping through brilliant shades
Of the color you bring
This time, this time, this time
Is whatever I want it to mean

If this is where memories are made, well
Gonna like what I see
And everything I ever took for granted
I'm gonna let it be
I step through every shade
Of the color you bring
But this time, this time, this time
Is whatever I want it to mean

And everything and nothing is
As sacred as we want it to be
When it's real. Make it real
Compared to what?

It's like living in the middle of the ocean
With no future, no past
And everything that's good about now
Might just glide right past
I'm stepping through brilliant shades
All the color you bring
This time, ths time, this time
Is fine just as it is

And everything is sacred here
And nothing is as sacred as I want it to be
When it's real
Compared to what?