the story of jennifer wilde

Friday, February 06, 2009

My name is Calypso

This Suzanne Vega song came up on shuffle. I performed this song with my friend Leslie, LONG time ago at an SSG company retreat. Those were the days! Each year we had a retreat, and the retreat included a talent show. We had some very talented folks, and I was pleased to get the opportunity to get up on stage with a friendly audience.

Leslie played guitar and I sang. I was very nervous. Hearing the song today, I am reminded of that moment. I also remember I was at a dark place in my life, although not as dark as recent years.

What I take away from the song now is the beauty of the protagonist, and the strength she showed in letting this man go, even though it would mean she would be alone again. I get pictures in my head of garden islands on the sea, a woman on the shore, standing in the wind. I might be inspired to paint that scene, in my copious spare time ;)

Calypso
by Suzanne Vega

My name is Calypso
And I have lived alone
I live on an island
And I waken to the dawn
A long time ago
I watched him struggle with the sea
I knew that he was drowning
And I brought him into me
Now today
Come morning light
He sails away
After one last night
I let him go.


My name is Calypso
My garden overflows
Thick and wild and hidden
Is the sweetness there that grows
My hair it blows long
As I sing into the wind
My name is Calypso
And I have lived alone
I live on an island
I tell of nights
Where I could taste the salt on his skin


Salt of the waves
And of tears
And though he,pulled away
I kept him here for years
I let him go


My name is Calypso
I have let him go
In the dawn he sails away
To be gone forever more
And the waves will take him in again
But he'll know their ways now
I will stand upon the shore
With a clean heart


And my song in the wind
The sand will sting my feet
And the sky will burn
It's a lonely time ahead
I do not ask him to return
I let him go
I let him go

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Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Dream vs Reality

I dreamed last night that a man I knew said "I love you" to me, in this terribly sweet and hushed way. The alarm went off at 6am and I promptly forgot all about it. I was toweling off in the locker room later that morning and it came back to me in a flash. I stood there for several minutes, trying to remember who it was in my dream. It never came back to me, so I guess it was someone I knew only in the dreamtime. You know, when you feel like you recognize someone, but when you wake you know you don't. All I remember is the impact of the words, the way my heart felt hot and dark at the same time.

Earlier this week I found myself on the other side of rejection. I like to think I let him down compassionately. He was a sweet man (and an amazing kisser), but it would have never worked out. I just wasn't feeling it like he was. Ahhhhhh so THAT'S what that feels like!

Through it all, I still remain a hopeFUL romantic, if more cautiously optimistic these days. Mostly, I'm enjoying being on my own. I've got plenty to occupy me what with work, and Skyler, and cello, music, and the gym. As my dad would say: "that'll keep you off the streets".

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Monday, February 02, 2009

Save Me - k.d. lang

This song came on this morning as I was getting ready for work, I haven't heard it in a couple years. It has such a languid guitar, and her vocals are sooo smooth. Lyrics are good too :)

Save Me
k.d. lang
(save me mp3)

Save me
Save me from you
But pave me
The way to you
Lead me upon the captive free
Gracious and tame like love can be
Lead me upon

Spoil me
Spoil me with you
And sell me with the world of you
Watch over me with a mother's eyes
Judging my worth only to glorify
Watch over me


Save me save me
Save me save me
Carry
Carry me through
And bury all my doubts of you
Clothe my desire with spell or prayer
I'll shroud every sign of need I swear
Clothe my desire

Save me save me
Save me save me
Save me save me
Save me save me

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