this is where

nice talk tonight about boundaries, expectations, fears, past experiences. where he is at, where i am at, where are we in all this.

how familiar these conversations seem. yes, i am aware of the cyclical nature of my life. recurring themes, as it were. cropping up again.

just before going to bed, i head downstairs to check on my son's music. He is asleep while the Wailin Jennys play "This is Where" (download mp3):

The wind howls 'cross the ice floes
Send the frozen snow skimming
A river on a river hardened over
It doesn't know the way it's going
Is it north or south or westward
It just glides across the shoreline 'til it's over

You came for me in fast forward
On a claim for something ordered
A way through and past the history that held you
I'd tell my own story through you
Tell it loud to never lose you
A moth caught be the flame it could cannot measure
And there we go again, wishing something bolder
Trying to push and pull inside this moment
Trying to mold this life within our hands

This is where the whole world keeps on turning
This is where we come undone...undone

Will they measure me by branches
Count the rings and take my ashes
Mark the ground where I fell and carry on
Or will we bite against the silence
Fill our days with noise and violence
Not recognize our hearts when we are done

There we'll go again wishing something bolder
Trying to push and pull inside this moment
Trying to mold this life within our hands

This is where the whole world keeps on turning
This is where we come undone

We don't know where it's going
Is it north or south or westward
Just glide across the shoreline til its over... til its over... over

being in the moment

Two extra nice nights in a row. Two morning-after day-long grins.

Last night, at one point we were on his couch, taking a breather. I looked at him and said "this is a good moment". He agreed. We both smiled. He has a great smile.

He has a very cute little cottage. I was very impressed to see that he had already moved in, and even had art on the wall (and more than just condiments in the fridge!) I felt comfortable there.

We stayed up too late. Feeling tired today, but in a good way. Like I would really love to curl up for a nap. Somewhere warm.

This is a good moment too.

best first date ever.

Last night I had a first date with someone I met on an okcupid.com. I like this site because it has 100s of questions (you answer, then say how you would like your ideal mate to answer) and then 100s of fun quizzes, all of which are used to calculate a percentage matched. Okcupid said we were an 80% match. We traded messages on the site, then emails, then text messages, and decided to meet face to face.

I was so nervous (I havent really been part of the dating game, um, ever) but as soon as our eyes met, most of my nervousness disappeared. We went to a take out restaurant in North Berkeley, had some dessert. But we had to eat outside, and it was cold, so we went to another restaurant for a drink and ended up talking for two and a half hours (and looking up various things on our iPhones, so funny).

I won't say much about him here except that he definitely fits my "profile" (I'm sure my friends would agree!) We made each other laugh, he has excellent taste in books, and is very upbeat.

In the middle of the date, my boss sent me a Tweet: "gentleman?" (to which I had to reply yes). Afterwards, he walked me to my car, we hugged, and then there was that liminal moment where I was thinking "are we going to kiss?" as we were leaning toward each other. Um, yes! :)

I dropped him off at his place. We were both flustered. I couldn't stop smiling. It was very hard to drive away. Text messages flying back and forth on the way home (should have called, I'm so bad with the texting while driving). I had a difficult time going to sleep last night.

Woke up this morning and I'm still smiling. Now THAT was a good date.

Random notes from the front lines of dating

I have a profile on nerve personals. I haven't paid it too much attention, because I'm trying to focus on getting through the divorce process. I never know when the universe will nudge someone my way, so I keep it up there for when I'm ready again.

A little while ago, I received a message from a man, which begins:

"You are very different from me, but I utterly love you. Not in that puppy-dog crush sense, but because you are totally cute and very hip....There also seems to be a liminal tinge of sorrow in your life. So brilliant, and yet, even the most intelligent of us can stumble...I sense a far deeper, more complex story is there than can fit into an online profile."

Okay WHOAH. My first reaction is "too much too soon!!", my second was one of "that's spooky". He definitely has a very eloquent way about him, and had some eerie insights. I went to his profile page, and its just not what I am looking for. Sir, do you perhaps have a slightly younger, musical brother? Ahhh I need to write him back to thank him.

"a liminal tinge of sorrow"... I might have to use that in a song ;)

oh and I aaaaalllmost was swayed by this line in his profile:

A naked woman is sexy. A woman's orgasm is sexier.

Ummm yeah. Its been waaaaaaay too long for me in the intimacy department.