my bodhisattva vow

On Saturday, I went to an all-day meditation retreat whose theme was the Bodhisattva Vow. The Bodhisattva is a Buddhist figure, a being whose mission in life (and across all their lifetimes) is the enlightenment of all beings.

As lofty as this sounds, we can take on the aspiration to be an ordinary bodhisattva. For me, that means lifting my spiritual practice from one of purely self-realization to one that includes service to and awareness of others.

here is my bodhisattva vow:

May I always act with wisdom and love.
May I radiate joy to everyone around me.
May I bring clarity and compassion to all beings.

now, I may not acheive those all the time. BUT it gives me something to shoot for. one of the teachers told us her vow was to always see the beauty in others. She also read a poem about a convenience store clerk whose smile transformed her experience of life, in the wake of her father's death. That man was an ordinary bodhisattva.

it is a turning point in my spirituality. it was one of the most profound experiences of my life.

an ordinary bodhisattva

This Saturday I am going to a day-long meditation retreat at Spirit Rock. I'm looking forward to the silence, although I will miss my little guy.

I am particularly inspired by this retreat: The Bodhisattva Vows

From the Spirit Rock website:

This daylong will explore the Bodhisattva, the vows he or she takes, the living embodiments, and how any of us can become an "Ordinary Bodhisattva"; dedicating our practice to the liberation of all things, without exception.

...we will hold the fourth annual Spirit Rock Bodhisattva Ceremony, where we can take our version of the bodhisattva vows to deepen our practice and connect with all things.

Special thanks to J for watching my boy so I can attend.

that wasn't me, it was someone else

I've been feeling bitter and anxious about eminent divorce the last couple days, having really angry thoughts. Today I realize that most of that was due to a two hour conversation I had with a mom going through divorce and custody battle. When I made that connection, I was able to let it go and be present to what is actually so in my situation.

Its amazing to me how much other people's stuff affects me.

Today, after a conversation with D, I felt sad and guilty and weird. Now I know that that wasn't me; I am pretty sure I was processing some of his energy.

Get grounded, separate, regain my amusement and positive outlook. I am doing the best I can, and it will all work out in the end.

Wow, whatever has been haunting me the last few days is gone for now! :)

clearing and cleaning

Had a fabulous Family Day at Spirit Rock with Skyler. Such a good thing for my soul! Even with getting frustrated that Skyler was running around :)

Just cleaned out 3361 emails from my inbox. GOD THAT FEELS GOOD.

Saw Prince Caspian tonight with Becca. So many cute boys. Every time they showed the Caspian's profile, I almost wept - What a beautiful man!

Yes, to answer your question, it has been a while for me.

I am waiting in stillness, being with my life exactly the way it is.

darkness abated. resume life.

Had a great healing conversation with Liliana. She is truly amazing. There was this darkness that was trying to convince me to leave the planet. A gray blanket of grief, and a fatigue so intense I wanted to sleep the rest of my life away. She was able to lift a corner, allow me to see the light again. And today I feel much much better, thank you very much.

WHEW. That was scary. Glad its over.

Family Day at Spirit Rock

Sunday I took my son to Spirit Rock for Family Day. I had no idea what to expect: what age ranges of kids would be there, how Skyler would like it, if I would like it. And I have to say it was a really lovely experience! The morning program involved ringing a bell and listening in silence, a story about the Buddha, some skits and talking about the theme, which was Wise Speech.

The tenets of Wise Speech:
1. truthful
2. kind
3. good timing
4. not gossiping

After lunch, kids broke into age groups to do music, stories and crafts, while parents did meditaition and had a dharma talk. Gil Fronsdal was one of the teachers, and, really, the reason I decided to go. I've listened to him talk at IMC in Redwood City once, and listened to numerous audio dharma. His voice has a calming effect on me. I actually sat next to his wife and sons on Sunday :) Nice folks.

The kids came in to close the day. Skyler had a blast and didn't want to sit with me. He took his cushion and sat right up front, in front of the teachers. When they announced that the next Family Day was on January 27, his hand shot up in the air and he announced to everyone (when called upon) that that was "my mommy's birthday". So funny!

We'll be going back on Jan 27. It was so very special to share my spirituality with Skyler in such a practical, yet fun way.

Calling it into being

Manifestation. That's what I'm exploring these days. Creating a clear picture in my mind of what I want my life to be like. These days, I've been looking at what I want creatively and romantically, and how the two collide. I close my eyes, and envision a partner, a collaborator, someone who lights me up and turns me on, who is inspired by me in turn. I imagine a house nestled in the trees at dusk. Coming up the drive, lights on, knowing the one I love is inside, waiting. A studio inside, a place to sing and play and work. An outpouring of love, of my life's work. Warm arms to surround me as I listen to a take. Nights of long conversation, long pauses, staring into each other's eyes.

I keep this vision firmly fixed in my mind. I believe in my own power; I can have it all. That's not to say there won't be work involved, or that it will all be easy. But I believe it is possible.

Oh yes, I do. You see... I am a believer.